Dear Stay-At-Home Mom,
I see you out there. Staring deeply into your coffee, hoping an answer will suddenly emerge in the swirls of creamer. Holding your back as you stoop to pick up the strewed toys for the 10th time today. Muttering prayers of “thankfulness” because you feel God is watching you (insert hesitant eye roll). Counting down the last minutes before “daddy” gets home. Checking your phone every second to see if you somehow missed a call or text from him.
I see you reaching the end of yourself day after day. Wondering if your child understands you and is just not listening. Or he seriously doesn’t understand the words coming out of your mouth. I see you question if this is all worth it. If really being at home with your child is the place you should be.
You think maybe there is some turning point. Some enlightening that gives you a letter stating this is your job. These are the benefits and rewards and here are the directions.
I see you crying into your pillow because you want no one to see. You’re a stay-at-home mom, the biggest blessing in the world. You should be happy, right? Your tears are still wet when you wake up because you think that this is who you are. Yet you don’t know who YOU are anymore. You had a place and purpose when you were working a 9-5. But now this mom job is a 24/7 train and the service cart never stops serving (Read more about purpose here).
You believe no one else notices (or even comprehends) the burdens of every little decision you make for your children. No one else notices the sacrifice you make every second of every day. No one sees the 12, 14, 16 hour days you live day in and day out. You think no one notices. That you’re all alone and no one could possibly understand what you are going through because you are the only one who feels this way.
But guess what, mama?
I promise you are not alone.
The first few months of staying home with my child, I wondered if I had made the wrong choice. If this was supposed to be a “good” decision for our family, then why did everything feel so wrong? If staying at home with my child was to be a great and wonderful gift, why did I suddenly feel very lost, alone, and like a failure daily?
Prior to staying home with my son, I was so excited. I was thankful my husband saw my staying home as important as I did. We both agreed this is what was needed for our family to thrive. I saw stay-at-home moms as smiling and rested, waving from the other side of the fence. Standing on the green grass on which I would soon be enjoying (once my son was born).
I couldn’t wait to be one of those messy-bun moms wearing athleisure-wear all day everyday.
After our son was born, I spent the first several months pondering the meaning of life while staying at home. It was a mixture of crying, feeling guilty, and pure exhaustion. I wondered what I was to do with myself during all of his nap times, yet feeling so drained I could barely keep my eyes open.
I felt like I was losing my grip.
My former job as a middle school teacher required me to spin 10 plates with one hand while making time for extracurricular activities. And I was still required to lesson-plan, grade, have a social life, work out, etc.
Focusing on one child all day seemed like the easiest and yet most difficult job ever.
I felt guilty for sitting down while my son napped, feeling the need to “earn my keep” for our household. Wanting to get out and do things, I knew our budget had been slashed, and I needed to be wise with the activities we did. I was sure that if I had made the right choice, all of these negative feelings would go away. They would scurry to the corners of my house and find their way out the door. I felt like a “bad” mom for feeling this way and felt for sure that I was the only one who felt this way.
But voicing my frustrations, tears, and hopes on social media proved that my fears were not original. Other stay-at-home moms, both on social media and in “real” life proved they were feeling a bit of all of the above.
And for some reason, knowing that I was not alone – that other moms had gone through the repurposing of their hearts and minds, that this “job” of being a mom is a constant harvesting of the heart – made me feel so much better.
So, if you find yourself nodding your head in agreement, yes, stay-at-home mom, we see you. We know what you’re feeling. And no, you are not crazy for staying home with your kids.
Staying home with your child is the greatest gift you can give.
But, as you have already found, being a stay-at-home mom is also the hardest thing you will ever do. It’s taxing. And you really won’t know the outcome of all of the hard work until the other side of heaven. The achievements you saw in your “real world” job aren’t seen in the same way at home. The days are long and sometimes you find yourself zoning out, plotting other monetary schemes, or stressing over a messy house (and it’s ok). You may find yourself daydreaming about what the weekend might look like, what a vacation will look like, what you will do when you finally get a date night or a chance to be alone.
But some days you find peace in almost-overlooked moments, just letting go and laughing as you play with your child. You feel your whole face scrunch up in true joyful laughter as you and your child share a belly laugh. That shared moment bringing a sense of purpose to your every day to-do list.
Although you may want to crumble at every obstacle. Run back to the corporate world where it’s “easier” or accomplishments are more tangible at the very least. You may even question every decision you make throughout the day.
Let me just say this to you and to me—
The kingdom work you are doing today is building a great nation for tomorrow, mama.
The good work you are doing today is seen by our Father in Heaven (Matthew 6:4). As my pastor Andy Stanley says, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be what you do but someone you raise.”
This is our job as mothers. And mama, with God as our leader, we are in good hands.
5 Affirmations to remind ourselves of God’s love when the nitty gets gritty.
Sometimes we have to do a little mind reset in order to fully “buy in” to the whole stay-at-home mom thing. Our everyday will not look like others’ every day. When we meditate on what God can do through us, we can better lead our children to love God and love people as well.
Affirmation #1: I will fail daily and find hope in Jesus despite each failure.
Affirmation #2: I will take up my cross and show my kiddos that I am capable of patience and kindness when I have been stretched beyond myself because of what Jesus has done for us (Read more about patience and kindness here and here).
Affirmation #3: I will speak about my weakness so that God’s power shines out of me (Read more about weaknesses here).
Affirmation #4: I will never apologize for my feelings because my feelings help us teach compassion for others (Read more about feelings here and here).
Affirmation #5: I will accept that being a mom is tough but I am not alone. When I ask, God has the power to provide this community for me (Read more about community here).
Bonus Affirmation: I believe that what I am doing matters, and I will continue making choices that bring me, my kids, and our family closer to the heart of God.
Pray with me
Dear Heavenly Father,
I didn’t know what I was getting into when I agreed to be a stay-at-home mom. I had a vision for what I thought being a stay-at-home mom would look like, and thankfully, you had bigger plans for me and my growing family. Lord, I am so thankful for being able to be with my kids during this time, to mold them and grow them in the way you lead. I am also thankful that you are the one leading our family so well.
When I get overwhelmed with the task of raising these kids with my husband, remind me that you are with me. Show me your faithfulness when I doubt. Father, I pray to keep my eyes focused on you through this season. As Steffany Gretzinger sings, “you’re not struggling to hear me/so I’m not striving to be heard…hold my face if I should wander/if my thoughts are far from home.” Father, I ask that you hold each fearful and anxious thought captive in your complete and perfect care, knowing that I am unable to control many of the things motherhood throws at me. Thank you for hugging me, my kids, and our little family in your graceful arms. Thank you for picking up the pieces when everything falls apart. Thank you for being my perfect savior. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.
