As we found our way to our seats, nervous energy wound its way around in my stomach. What songs would we sing? What would I hear in the message preached? Ultimately, I wondered if my heart would welcome this new experience in church after such a long hiatus. The pastor asked that we stand and …
“Mommy sad,” my two year old looked earnestly at me; his long, dark eyelashes framed inquisitive but caring hazel eyes. Noticing the tears brimming in my eyes and splashing down my cheeks, my sweet son reached a small palm to my arm and drew me in for a hug. Knowing what I had promised myself …
Dear Stay-At-Home Mom, I see you out there. Staring deeply into your coffee, hoping an answer will suddenly emerge in the swirls of creamer. Holding your back as you stoop to pick up the strewed toys for the 10th time today. Muttering prayers of “thankfulness” because you feel God is watching you (insert hesitant eye …
Social distancing has turned to social isolation. Suicidal rates have increased. We continue to place our hope in instant gratification, on the things we can see, on the most important items in front of us. Our thoughts stay where they originated–in our heads–because we have no community with which to talk. We have become distressed, …
“Come over here,” I motion excitedly to the stairs with my hands. “Let’s try these steps. You can do it, baby!” After many months of being shut indoors, it feels like a rich blessing to breathe in the fresh air of the earth. Breathe in. Breathe out. The sun shines through the luminescent clouds. Joyful …
Yes, Lord. I know, Lord. But I need to do this one more thing before I find time to sit and have a quiet time. I had literally done everything I could to ignore the constant nudging at my heart, my head, my entire body to just sit. And write. To just sit. And listen. …
Life is a series of mountains and valleys, of highs and lows, of being told, “it’s happening” and then being told, “not right now.” And although I would love to tiptoe from mountaintop to mountaintop, I can’t deny that in my lowest moments, God does His best work in and through me. Being completely unraveled …
Looking down at my son, our hands intertwining and interlocking as he nursed, I couldn’t believe I had exclusively breastfed him these past 11 months. Now as the end of his first year of life was fast approaching, the thought of weaning him overwhelmed my heart. I remember beginning our journey together. We had made …
The rain came down in sheets creating large puddles in the brown grass. As the dark gray sky emptied its large buckets of water onto the parched earth, Baby Boy and I went to the front door to watch. It had been a long dry season of insignificant rains, scarcely long enough to wet the …
Just when I think I’ve escaped, postpartum hormones wash over me like a fog of darkness. The sun has set, and my husband and I are usually sitting on the couch by the time postpartum sets in, like doom and gloom. No matter how great the day was, how “successful” I felt, postpartum settles in …
“This is for you,” my small group leader handed me a verse card, eyeing me tenderly. Through tears, I looked at the verse she had given me. I had seen this verse so many times before, even sang the song from time to time. But that day, the words seemed new to me. Although scripture …
**Warning: This post contains sensitive and triggering topics. Please be mindful of reading or sending this post as this writing contains graphic imagery of postpartum depression and suicide ideation. Severe depression robbed me the joy of my second son’s first year of life. I feel a complicated guilt as I look back at photos of …
I love how toddler stories morph into life lessons that relate to God’s work in my own life. I see the correlation between what my kids’ are facing and what I’m facing. There are parallels that, as a writer, I can see more clearly than some. And maybe the correct word is not just see …
The movie Frozen has a song that my boys enjoy: “Love is an Open Door.” My boys love to play it again and again. I’d like to say I’m sick of it, but frankly, I’m not…just yet. Ask me again at the end of the day ;). The characters Anna (or as my son lovingly …
Many times my mind travels back to my past where I begin the blame game of my postpartum depression. When I am healthy, I can redirect these thoughts to acknowledge all the faithful ways God has provided in my life. As we move through life, pain and suffering become inevitable in our stories. This oftentimes …
“Mom, it’s too cold to go outside!” yells my 4 year old. I never thought I’d see the day when he actually preferred to be inside. He is usually the first one running, pants-less, shirt-less, and shoes-less, out the door. Go figure. My 3 year old, in these colder months, just wants Blippi monster trucks …
In these frigid January mornings of the new year, I let my dog out and embrace the chilly stillness. A distant hum of energy is heard from car engines on the highway, but the sun is just emerging over the tree line. A faint pink and orange light breathes up and over the bare branches. …
Ready, set, BANG! goes the starting pistol, and we’re off to the races again. Happy New Year!? Horns blare and fireworks crack. December had us galloping toward Christmas, whipping that sleigh horse into gear. Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up those clod-hoppers! What had commenced as jingling around the literal clock all Christmas season has now …
I heard a song a few years back called, “O Come All You Unfaithful” by Sovereign Grace Music. A song that made me pause and think, “Yeah, that’s closer to the truth.” Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be called the faithful one. But more often than not, I am buckling in guilt because …
As a mom of a baby, I am often up before the sun rises. As I nurse, my head turns from my sweet baby to the open window showcasing the new day. Even if the sky is cloudy, the sun always finds a way to brighten even a dreary day. In the morning, light is …