“Just…no….STOP!” I finally yelled. My fur baby, Indie, was licking all over our newborn son. I was trying desperately to be patient, but no sleep had led me to being a very impatient person, a person I didn’t know how to handle. He was just not understanding me!
After yelling at Indie, looking into his sweet puppy dog eyes, and then seeing my son look at me, my heart ripped apart: I was treating my fur baby with hatred and bitterness, and now my son was watching.
Photo by Meg Davidson
Meet Indie, our son…ahem, fur son
For those that don’t have a fur “baby,” you are most likely thinking: come on; it’s a dog. But you don’t know how much I. love. this. dog. I mean, my husband and I created an Indie “voice” where we speak what we think is on Indie’s mind. It was mainly for me to see Indie’s actions as human, to interpret the actions to ease any fears I still had. Yes, we are THOSE people.
He really was my baby baby before Baby Boy came home. Bringing joy to anyone who meets him, Indie is not only SUPER cute, he makes people laugh. People literally smile from ear to ear when they see Indie. He doesn’t always know his size, and that gets frustrating, but I know he means well; he just wants to be part of family. When Jonathan and I would go on walks with just Indie as a puppy before Sam, everyone–not exaggerating here–EVERYONE would stop and say how pretty he was or what a sweet boy he was (well, mainly they thought he was a girl, but that’s neither here nor there LOL).
He’s like a great big JOY-filled teddy bear, who’s alive, of course.
Photo by Meg Davidson
So when my heart turned to anger toward my sweet furry boy because he was not recognizing what I was trying to tell him, I was devastated. Indie was competing for the attention that had been undivided before Baby Boy was born. And now, he was just trying to perceive what we wanted from him.
Not Always This Way
I grew up afraid of dogs. Like, shaking, crying, don’t-get-that-dog-near-me fear. If a dog was being walked on one side of the road, I would quickly switch the opposite side. Not growing up with a dog, I had no idea what was “normal” behavior for a canine; I didn’t know that all barks didn’t necessarily mean, “I’m going to eat you for lunch, human!” 🙂 So when my hubby and I met, fell in love, and eventually got married, it was quickly discovered that my husband LOVES dogs. Like, if there’s a dog in the room, my husband is on the floor playing with the dog, forget about everything else.
So over the years of dating and early marriage, my husband taught me the differences in dog barks; he was helping me learn not only their barks, but their body language. For instance, this puppy is extremely happy, see his tail raised high? Or, that dog is scared of that person, see how his tail curves down between his legs? So on and so forth, each example helping me distinguish how a dog speaks–and not just through barking. Over time I grew courageous enough to let a dog sniff me, all while trying not to shake.
A Little Thing Called Puppy Love
When we finally decided to adopt our dog, I was extremely nervous. But, before I could say anything, Indie chose me before I chose him. He was a little skittish of my husband and I (as was I of this little pup), but his sweet, chocolate brown eyes bore into mine, and, without words, he was asking me, “Will you love me? Take care of me? Help me understand the world around me?”
My heart completely melted into a pool right there. This little curly reddish 6-week puppy was going to be mine. He had chosen me through one discerning look! And so I chose him.
Son, Meet Son
So flash forward to life with two sons (yes, Indie is still our son…we didn’t change being THOSE people just because I birthed a son). I was building up so much anger in my heart towards Indie because he was not understanding the words coming out of my mouth (heck, no one understands the words coming out of my mouth…name the movie ;).
I had justified all my anger towards Indie in my head, making a sound argument for why I was getting so frustrated. He wasn’t doing what I was saying. But then, literally hours after my earlier breaking point, I was playing with Sam I began to notice: Sam looked at me whenever I spoke to Indie, his big, blue eyes drinking in every interaction between Indie and I like a sponge. And a thought struck me hard in the gut,
“Sam looks to me for how to interact with the world. He doesn’t know what I say, but he sees what I do.”
Ouch. These thoughts caused a convicting impact on my soul and made me reevaluate how I had been treating Indie. The way I was behaving toward Indie was showing Sam he could treat Indie with disdain and contempt, basically shoving Indie to the side when he doesn’t do as we ask. I didn’t have to say anything.
Our fur baby, Indie, was basically acting like a jealous toddler; an older sibling that was feeling like he had been “replaced.” Indie was acting out in fear wondering, “Am I on the way out? Do my parents even love me anymore?” Indie didn’t know what I was saying either, but he did see a change in my behavior. A big change.
The Bottom Line
All in all, Indie is our baby and Sam is our baby. They are both our babies whom we love very much. Sam is learning about the World of Relationships here at the 6th month mark according to The Wonder Weeks. He’s looking at interactions and seeing how one thing interacts with another. In a world of constant words and noise, I want Sam to know that you can say so much more without even speaking.
Not that I’m an animal psychologist, but I think our fur babies do get jealous, especially if they were our “first.” There’s a really great article here if you want to read about some things you can proactively do to introduce your baby baby to your fur baby 🙂 Chiefly the section on “Making Time for your Fur Baby.” It’s extremely hard, especially being sleep-deprived, to even THINK about your fur baby; but hopefully, once the fog clears, you will see your sweet furry friend through the lens of love again.
