A simple yet terrifying conflict of tug of war. A battle of withholding against giving. A juxtaposition of my head, my heart, and my decisions. Each entity of my life creating a web of actions that become signposts, reminding myself of what can happen in the fire when I believe I am alone. The choices I make—positive and negative—a direct impact on the life I lead and aim to lead. And not just event choices, but mind choices, heart choices. What I choose to believe is trustworthy, even when I am so disheartened to believe it’s true. When a door is slamming shut, I long for a foothold that stops negativity in its tracks.
This is the foothold needed—to believe a truth so deep that no one and no thing can take this from you—when your vision is blurry, your heart needs tuning, and you forgot which way is up. You need a foothold so strong that nothing can shove it from the door.
Because if I let my foothold slip, a game of back and forth beats my soul to pieces. Except it’s not a very fun game to me.
The grim thoughts I allow when I give the enemy a foothold into my heart. Because he doesn’t just want to take up space in my heart. He wants to intrude my whole being, making me shake with fear. And this tug of war continues, between good and evil.
A burden that wants to press down and hold me underwater versus a freedom that is light and airy.
A pressure that pushes buttons in random orders creating a mess overshadowed by a lightness that lets me forget why I was even worried.
A weight that shoves me into a wall: accusing, lecturing, shaming, darkening every step. A lightness that enfolds me in a warm embrace: Accepting, forgetting in the best way, illuminating every situation.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12
A weight that furrows brows, hunches shoulders, knots stomachs. A lightness that creates internal laughter that begs to vibrate the atmosphere, making every fiber of my being float as if this world’s gravity can’t even hold me. A strain that lies, torments, and questions every decision I make. A lightness that doesn’t require any explanation or justification but just IS.
A turning point. A sure knowing. A way of life.
A foothold–when the tension pulls your heart so tightly it might break and overwhelming anxiety takes hold–cracks the door just enough to welcome the lightness, as a reminder you are not alone. Don’t forget that. This same foothold, no matter how big or small, stays through every hardship.
A foothold provides an exit plan, an escape from the darkness, a way out when all else is lost.
And when the Savior wins the battle, you smile light-heartedly because you know you’ve chased the enemy back into his nonexistence.
Because that’s all he needed to gain influence in your life: for you to acknowledge his existence.
Well, not today satan.
You don’t get to do this to me, to watch me squirm, and become defeated. Your accusing, empty words hold no power when my foothold is strong. And my foothold is mighty, powerful, and gets ALL of me.
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:13
Your Turn
Do you ever feel like you have your own battle raging inside of you, a battle against what you know to be true versus what the enemy wants you to believe is true?
How can you annihilate the enemy? More importantly, what truths can you repeat to recognize that the enemy has no hold on you?
Remember, God is with you. He is fighting for you. God is fighting your battles for you. And friend, He’s already won. Exodus 14:14.
Next Steps
Here are some other blog posts that might encourage you if you are feeling the tug.
