Both of my sons have night lights in their rooms. We, as their parents, steer clear of anything apparently scary, and yet our kids still fear the night. They want to make sure they are ok, that they will be ok before we leave them in their rooms for inevitable sleep to fall upon them.
Maybe it’s just something built into our DNA from the time we are conceived, but the unknown that follows the light turning off tends to scare many of us.
Welcome to the Advent season. Advent is all about waiting in the dark for the unknown that God has promised.
During our time together, I’m going to take you on a bit of a journey, if you’re willing. I’m asking if you’re willing because at first, it will feel terrifying. You may feel ashamed, but just know it’s not your fault. Yes, you may have chosen to do something wrong, but no one is here to judge you. Not like that. And once we’ve established that yes, there was wrong-doing, but you are still welcome here, you will feel immediate relief in the grace gifted to you.
Confused? Yes, I was too when I first learned of God’s love for me. I had done the wrong-doing; I had invited sin into my life, but God still wanted to draw near to me? He wanted so badly to grant me precious grace I didn’t deserve that He died on a cross so I would know without a doubt that this grace is for me?
Powerful and so humbling.
In the beginning, there is darkness. Darkness everywhere.
And yet our God asks in the darkness, will you go on this journey with me?
From Genesis through the Gospels, God whispers, Are you with me? Do you trust me? Are you looking to me for your next move? Will you really wait for me?
This advent, I’d like to invite you to travel through the dread of darkness into the height of glorious light. We will experience great loss and then ultimate gain.
But the question is: Will you go with me?
Do you remember as a child-or maybe you’ve had this inescapable feeling as an adult- where you were caught in some wrong-doing?
From childhood, I remember these feelings vividly. Whether it was my perfectionistic nature or the fact that I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, I recall an inner angst when someone caught me doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing.
I would get hot and cold, and my body would go numb. My vision would get blurry as I felt myself trying to sink into the ground. My stomach would cinch up into my throat, and I’d lose every train of thought I ever had.
Caught red-handed, I felt mortified.
I wanted to run away and hide. Later I would be sorry about the wrong I had committed. But in the moment, it was the fact that I had been called out, caught in the act, that stung the most. I had chosen to do wrong because selfishly I was doing what was right for me.
Anxiety and darkness go hand in hand. In the dark spiraling of our inner souls, anxiousness persists and becomes out of control. When light is extinguished, dark rushes in to envelop the last morsels of light.
I remember my humiliation as I think about Adam and Eve in the Garden. You might know the story well.
Adam and Eve are blessed in the Garden. They walk with God, talk with Him daily. They know no separation from Him. There is no word for the feeling of shame because there is no shame or remorse. God is with them and they are with God. Everything is absolutely perfect.
Adam and Eve know they are loved, but they do not know the depths to which God will show his love.
Then enters that slippery, sinister serpent. The one who loves to seduce us into sin. The liar who lures us into confusion and scandal. He just couldn’t let things be.
He is the one who makes us believe God is not for us. That God is keeping a great something from us. That He doesn’t have the best intentions for us in His great big plan for life.
- I think about that tree and why it was there.
- The choice that the fruit represents.
- Adam and Eve could have gone on working the land and walking with God in the Garden of Eden, but they chose differently.
- We can choose to trust God and His word. Or we can see for ourselves through the journey of shame and loss that His words are good, and we should have followed them all along.
We punish ourselves. God does not condemn.
If Eve had not listened to the serpent but had listened to God, our world would not be as it is now. A broken mess of confused people not knowing who to listen to. And isn’t that true for many parts of our story? We wouldn’t be in a certain predicament if we had listened to God in the first place.
God always works everything out for good, but maybe our stories would be a little different with alternate choices to certain questions.
We choose the tree over and over again. The story of sin and darkness is played out again and again in our very own lives. We are continually being banished from the Garden of Eden because we believe the lie that God is withholding something wonderful from us. We travel the roller coaster of our feelings as one minute we thank God for all that he has given us and in the next minute we covet what someone else has.
From perfect to polarized. From foolproof to fragmented. A stainless story now full of taint and tarnish. It’s your story, and it’s my story. We share this story of heartache and bitterness.
But God. Always God. Coming.
He is the one who holds our stories together. He takes our shattered pieces and puts them gentle back together with the glue of his grace. No piece is wasted or lost in our stories because of God.
God everlasting, always coming to fix our mistakes. He withholds nothing even as we stand before him spewing excuses. He has every right to cast us out of the garden, and yet all He wants is to commune with us.
Banished forever?
No. Psalm 34:18 encourages, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I believe God hears Adam and Eve self-destructing in the garden, and He gently makes his way towards them. I know He feels their panic as they sink into the ground, growing hot and cold as they realize what they have done. God’s heart is in them and so His heart breaks as their hearts break. He is a perfect Father tenderly saving Adam and Eve who are “crushed in spirit.”
God, in His great sovereignty, already maps out the good He is going to create from this one decision.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
He is already planning the steps He will take in love from this one act of wrong-doing. But before He can move on to his master plan, He wants to see his heartbroken children. He benevolently draws near to them and sews clothes for them before sending them on their way.
He won’t leave them. But they can no longer be this close to Him.
This is the story of humanity. Always pulling away from God and God coming near to us. Advent is all about preparing our broken hearts for God’s coming.
O come, O come sweet Emmanuel. We are mourning in exile until the son of God appears. Because next week, we will read about what it means to wait on the Lord. We will learn how this waiting produces a hope so bold and confident that it cannot be defeated.
Your turn:
- Read Genesis 3:1-22
- Think back to a time (or a current time) in your own life when your eyes were “opened” and you felt “naked” and exposed.
- Did you feel embarrassed? Ready to run away? Call it quits?
- How did you view God during that time?
This light cannot be treasured or cherished or seen as a saving light until we know the depths of darkness from which this light has freed us.
- Now read Psalm 23:4
- Fill in the blank: Even though____________________, I will_______________________, for_________________
- Who is with us? How does this encourage you in dark times?
- God is our loving Father in Heaven. Emmanuel means God with us. Imagine being in the garden before the fruit is eaten. Imagine the beautiful connection God and Adam and Eve had. Let these thoughts sit with you and fill your heart.
- What would you say to God if you felt blameless?
See you next week for part 2 of this Advent devotional.
**If this is your first time reading with us, thank you so much for being here. As a writer, it means so much to me that you would take the time to read my thoughts. I hope you find these words lead you into a deeper, loving relationship with God.**
If you haven’t been here before or looking for some more Advent reading, below are some thoughts on Advent:
