I feel like I just need to say it out loud, for myself and anyone else in my current situation trying to make new year’s resolutions…so, here goes…
I’m not perfect.
There. The truth is out. In case you were wondering (heehee). I don’t have to put on a perfect persona or assume to have it all together by crossing my t’s and dotting all my i’s. Even saying these things out loud feels therapeutic, like I had been holding my breath, wondering if anyone would notice my lack of perfection (ha!). And with a big whoooooosh, I let it all out.
Intellectually, I know I don’t have to be perfect. I’m not supposed to BE perfect. But I was sitting here, trying desperately to form the words for my resolutions blog post…and they weren’t coming. I had an idea of what I wanted to say, but the words that did end up on the page weren’t what I was envisioning in my mind.
“Wasting” several of Baby Boy’s naps trying desperately to write, I was tensely struggle-writing instead of letting God lead the words. Striving for every word to land perfectly, I would start, delete, start again, think “It’s not good enough,” delete it all, start AGAIN…
Perfection Redefined
And then it dawned on me–so clear it cut me like glass–I was aiming for perfection…on the first try…by myself. I was leaving God behind and trying to muscle through this resolution writing thing on my own. Even though I know He was the one who had called me to this place, to this blog. I was trying to reach my own “perfect” deadline with my own “perfect” words. Even saying those words hit the nail on the head.
As I sit here trying to write my resolutions which I don’t even normally do, I look around at my house. Dog treat wrappers on my kitchen table, and Christmas Ornaments halfway put away make me roll my eyes. Even Baby Boy’s things having exploded over the kitchen floor making me rethink all organizational strategies. I try to soothe myself by saying my house doesn’t have to be perfect. My blog isn’t perfect. I can’t be perfect. That’s right…I’m. not. perfect.
And there’s the wake-up call…I’m not supposed to be perfect. I’m merely asked to bring my IMperfect self, JUST as I am, writer’s block and all, to the feet of grace. I am called to FOLLOW perfection: Jesus. Only God is perfect, and He made everything perfect.
Perfect Weakness
And so, what if this whole new year’s resolution thing is not about me? What if it’s not about the resolutions I am able to keep or about the resolutions I end up breaking? What if this new year is about God and His ability?
His power is made perfect in my weakness, so I can boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). Isn’t that an incredible thought? That I am able to harness the power of God by lessening myself and showing the world my imperfections. So instead of trying to rest on my ability to do much of anything this year, here are three things I have resolved to do:
- I will let go and let God. Instead of trying to force my way through situations or problems, I will give as much as I am able to God (heck, I’m only human) and let Him work on the rest.
- I will get to know Him more deeply by diving into His word. The more I read about Him, the more I love Him. And the more I can share about what He is teaching me. And that means taking the time to dig into His word. Which brings me to the last resolution…
- I will do more of what I love. When I do more of what I love, I am using the gifts God has given me to bless others. Also, choosing to do what I love makes me happier and able to give more of myself. So instead of filling my weeks with “doing,” I will pick and choose to do the things that really bring me joy.
Bottom Line
It’s hard to share weaknesses and admit I’m not perfect. But let’s be honest…trying to be perfect never brings anyone much joy anyways. So instead of making new year’s resolutions about me and my ability, I plan to make this new year more about Him and less about me.
