Heart-wrenching tears poured from his eyes, and I felt like the worst mom in the world. Mother guilt in all of her glory came waltzing into my home.
My normally happy, smiling son became suddenly very cranky. And that crankiness turned into crying. And crying turned into inconsolable screaming. Nothing I was doing or saying was helping.
Sadly, that’s how I met her: Mother Guilt.
Big, tall, taking-up-too-much space, she tore into me like a child attacking a mosquito bite. Deceiving, old-as-the-hills Mother Guilt, sitting there, squarely on my chest; pointing her incriminating finger at me. Telling me all the things I was doing to “hurt” my son, all the ways I was being soooo selfish, and to basically look at all the other mothers who were doing a much better job at this mom thing and tending to their child’s every need.
She pushed hard into my heart, and during my son’s screaming and crying fit, I felt myself being crushed under her weight. With head down and shoulders caved, I was slowly giving in to her taunting. She had me right where she wanted me, and I believed her. I believed of everything she was accusing me.
But then something happened.
Insignificant at first, then it started to grow: a small voice in my head whispered something. It was a tiny no at first, and then it grew, growing into a mighty roar. I looked Mother Guilt straight in the face, told her to shove off, and I reclaimed my precious heart from this woman’s maniacal grasp. She doesn’t know me, nor does she have mine OR my son’s best interest at heart. She only wants to bring down the good work that is being done. Ultimately, she seeks to kill and destroy.
“The thief comes ONLY to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10 (Emphasis my own)
Oh my. Mother Guilt was killing and destroying my best-laid plans.
I was suffering, thinking I should be “on” 24/7 now that my title had become “mom.” I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting her until I became a mom, and now she had introduced herself proudly.
She’s mean, she’s a bully, and she doesn’t deserve to be in my life. I am allowed to still BE me, DO me, ENJOY me even while raising kids. I am learning that it is even more important to be ME so that my son can see me thriving in life!
Bottom Line
I know this is not the last of Mother Guilt. She’s too selfish, too needy, too indignant on making me think I am not doing EVERYTHING I need to do to raise my son. But I do know this: I know what she looks like; what she sounds like. So with this knowledge, the next time she strikes, I will be more equipped to handle whatever she wants to throw my way.
