“This is for you,” my small group leader handed me a verse card, eyeing me tenderly. Through tears, I looked at the verse she had given me. I had seen this verse so many times before, even sang the song from time to time. But that day, the words seemed new to me.
Although scripture had not provided the immediate solace and peace I craved during my depression, this time something inside of me stirred: a spark of hope. My seemingly dead heart awakened to these verses, and my spirit was coming alive again.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)
During my depression, I learned about an interesting project in Arizona in the late ‘80s. A biosphere that perpetuated the optimal conditions for a tree to grow: perfect temperature, air quality, atmosphere. Sounds pretty great, right?
Except the trees fell down before reaching their full height.
The self-sufficient biosphere that maintained the perfect conditions had a problem: lack of wind.
And with no wind, the inevitable push and pull a tree endures from weather didn’t happen. Plants require a gentle stress or agitation in order for roots to grow deep, sturdily gripping the soil. The trees couldn’t develop the thicker bark and stronger support system needed for full maturation.
By themselves, the trees didn’t survive very long. The trees grew stronger when they worked with the wind.
As a new mom of two, I tried to create perfect conditions with my 21-month old and newborn. I tried to fix the facade of perfection by pretending I had my life, my kids’ lives, our family’s life all together. But inside I was angry (at myself, my kids), scared (of dropping my mask), guilt-ridden (I didn’t know how to be a mom of two…I was a fake!), paranoid (that something was bound to trip me up) and ashamed of the rage that was happening inside of me.
Everything I tried to hold on to came crumbling down. My self-sufficiency was not something I could grip on to; it was not strong enough.
But God…(the sweetest phrase in every story of triumph, that part where God saves me from myself every time)
God longs to be our stronghold. When we try to create a perfect environment where we don’t need Him, we grow very weary. Instead of turning to God and trusting Him to lead our hearts and our lives, we try to become self-sufficient.
We speak over ourselves: “Only you can do this. Dig down deep. You are enough.”
And while truthful affirmations are helpful (and compassion-filled), certain phrases can become damaging. I was telling myself that I was enough; I didn’t need anyone’s help, and I shamed myself or felt guilty when I fell short.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard?”
These questions remind us to speak the truth to our weary, downcast souls. God is everlasting, creator of all things. When we grow tired, He never does. When we look forward and can’t see a way, His understanding guides us.
And when we lean on Him, He gives us the strength and power to keep pursuing, keep pushing, keep progressing. We can’t do it in our own strength. We are not enough contrary to what beautifully curated Instagram posts and graphic T-shirts try to tell us.
Apart from God, we can do nothing (John 15:5).
And this is good news because our good God—a God who never tires and understands the most incomprehensible—wants to share it all with us. He wants to impart His wisdom and strength to us.
“Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall…”
Even those who seem to have it all together, who appear self-sufficient, and who don’t seem to need anyone’s help, will fall short. No matter how many times we try to push forward on our own …we always fall short.
When our lives fall to shambles, instead of falling on God, we try even harder. Popular opinion tells us to keep hustling, keep looking, keep digging deeper inside of us.
Trust in God (not Trust in Ourselves) is cultivated when we face different trials with God. The Lord, in His great mercy, continues to build us so that we don’t lack anything.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance (God working with us) finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 emphasis my own
No wind meant the trees in the biosphere lacked the perseverance needed to become mature and complete. I believe that pure joy is felt most completely when we face the trial talking to God all the way through it. We dig into the Word, pray unceasingly to God, and rest in Jesus as the rock of our faith.
“But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength…”
When we wait for, hope in, and lean on the Lord, we have all that we need when we need it. As Toby Mac sings, “It might be midnight or midday,” but God is never early but yet He’s never late.
We can abandon the pretense of perfection and embrace God’s steadfast strength. He alone renews our weary hearts.
Friend, may we rest in the sweet assurance that, despite our weaknesses (yes, we have many), God is our great sustainer. Let us find freedom in abandoning self-sufficiency and accepting the abundant grace found in reliance on Him alone. Oh amazing grace, how sweet the sound…
Pray With Me
Dearest Heavenly Father, You are our soul’s greatest gift. You are the strength on whom we depend. Thank you for giving your wisdom and power to us. Please forgive me when I fail to bring my whole self to you. When I try my hardest without you. Please forgive me when I forget that you are my soul’s sufficiency.
You didn’t give your only son to us so that I would have to keep striving in my own self-sufficience. You sent your son to show us how much you love us and reveal our need for you.
Lord, show me how to rely on you fully. Show me how to live in a culture that celebrates “in-our-own-strength” gains. Lord, help me solely find my strength in you.
When I fall short, I pray that you would quickly remind me to turn back to you. You do not condemn as I often condemn myself. Thank you for your sufficient grace that pours over every part of my life. We love you dearly and are so thankful for you. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.
