After celebrating one whole year postpartum (whoa), I feel like I am walking out of some type of fog. I look behind me at the months that have so quickly passed, not recognizing myself from those first few craaaaazy months as a new mom. From blindly surfing the emotional high to low to high waves, I am now reflecting on what I would have changed or done differently in the first months as a new mom.
Now that Baby Boy is a big ONE-YEAR-OLD (I cannot believe it), I feel like I am in a stable season. This place is good because we’ve found a routine that works for us and has made me feel confident (and you know mama likes her routine ;)). So here are some common phrases other mamas used to tell me that I didn’t believe or even consider…until I got to the one year mark. Here goes!
1. Sleep as much as you can.
Seriously. The housework will still be there when you wake up, I promise. When someone comes over and asks if they can do something, hand them the baby (or the monitor), and go to your room to sleep. You don’t need to entertain us! Even one year postpartum, my mind has blocked just how tired I felt in those beginning months. I had basically pushed myself to the point of not being able to function. Please remind us that you are exhausted. But just know you will look back and realize…
2. Time goes so fast.
You roll your eyes at the phrase. I get it. I was sick of hearing this too. You know time flies… What you don’t hear (but need to hear) is to look for the blessings when the days seem long and your child is the crankiest he’s ever been. Find joy in every single moment of being a mom. Because when you focus on the joyful moments, you suddenly have this wonderful treasure chest that can be opened when you haven’t slept for (insert number) of nights and all your son wants is you because you provide the goods (anyone feel me?). Which brings up the next point to remember…
3. This is just a season.
Wherever you are, it’s just a season. I promise. The good, the bad, the lost. At first, you bring your newborn home, you’re so excited and can’t imagine life any other way. You feel like you can live off 2 hour sleeps at a time because you’re just so excited to have a little one. Then the weeks etch on, and reality hits you like a two-by-four in the face. You’re tired, cranky, and regretting your decision to breastfeed (maybe just me?). You wonder if your little one (or you) will EVER sleep through the night. But even in the throes of the early months…
4. Enjoy the early months.
I mean, enjoy all the months, but those early months can pass in a blur of tears and frustration. Those of you who are in the early-month trenches (accurate term, right?) with a newborn are probably laughing at this (if you’re not crying). I get it. But seriously, stare at your newborn (we won’t judge), cuddle him, run your finger across his soft, plump cheek, and make the craziest faces at him (again, we won’t judge). Because before you know it, your child is on the move and pushing to get out of your arms!
While they sleep, watch tv, read, do something relaxing. Again, sleeeeeeeeep. Take advantage of how much your child sleeps. They won’t sleep like that forever (why do naps get shorter and shorter as they get older??). Pretty soon they will be on the move, and you as well, as you chase them all over the house!
5. Take the help that people offer…and when they don’t, ask for it!
This seems like a no-brainer, but I had to learn (and be ok with) asking people for help. I felt bad asking if I could take a nap even visiting my parents’ house (I’m an enneagram 9, people). But once I asked, they completely understood. Don’t overestimate the power of your voice. Sometimes you have to take charge of your health, and sleep is VERY important to your health and sanity. Trust me, I’ve lost my sanity a time or two the first year of Baby Boy’s life…only a time or two…
And this one may seem crazy, but…
6. Your heart may not overflow with love right when your baby is born.
When our son turned about 3 months old, Jonathan and I looked at one another and confessed something crazy. It took us both about 3 months to develop an overbearing Mama Bear/Papa Bear tendency toward this new little human that had made an entrance into our family. We both were over the moon excited to have a son, but we didn’t feel like he was actually ours and part of our family until months later. We felt like we were just getting to know this little human.
Now, I can’t imagine NOT having him. If you feel unsure at first, your heart will grow and grow as you continue to learn about this new human and love them unconditionally. He or she will make you laugh, most likely make you cry, but in time you will want to do anything for them. And with that being said…
7. Every day you will learn something new about your little one (and your resilience as a mom and person).
Each day will be different. A schedule is meant to be adjusted and changed. Your little one won’t always be happy. I know, even I didn’t believe it at first. I thought my little one (or I) might combust if our schedule was broken or I was doing something wrong if he wasn’t always smiling. Don’t get me wrong. A routine is nice and giggles are fun. But knowing the cues and signs of when your little one is hungry or tired is much more beneficial than sticking to a number on the clock. And knowing that your little one is an actual human makes their emotional capability fascinating. Take everything in stride and just know you will learn new lessons daily.
Bottom Line
If you’re in the infant pit as we speak, you may hear these phrases and still tune them out as I did. And that’s ok. But if you take even just one of these suggestions and apply it to your new situation, you may be able to gain a new perspective sooner than I did. Either way, you are not alone.
Every single mom has been through what you are going through: we have all been new to the game at some point or another. Some of us closer to the start of the new mom game than others. And we want to help you as much as we can, even when we don’t know how best to help.
And sometimes you just need to laugh…because it sure takes the edge off crying! So if you haven’t already seen it, here ya go!
Finally, when your focus is gone, your faith is dwindling, and you don’t know what to pray let alone if you can stay awake long enough to pray, click below for 10 prayers when you need it most <3
Take care, Mama! We are rooting you on!
