Exasperation hit the fan, and let’s just say, {stuff} got real…fast. My usually accommodating self could no longer contain my frustration. The culprit? Changing my son’s diaper. You know you need a break when a diaper change makes steam come out of your ears.
The diaper change had been always been a playful feud, but my tolerant demeanor was wearing thin. Patience had been slowly leaking out of me like a water balloon with a hole. My son was doing this to spite me, wasn’t he?? He knows what he’s doing! Unusually perturbed, I almost body slammed my son back onto his changing pad as I spoke short, harsh words to him. “Samuel, mommy is trying to change your diaper. This is not working! You need to..hold…STILL!”
We both became frustrated as he tried to throw his body off the changing pad. I tried to pin the diaper on him, both of our faces growing red with effort.
My mind had the slightest glimpse of clarity as I realized I was holding my breath and thinking some crazy thoughts. Not necessarily thoughts to prosper my son. Oh, Mama.
Yep, I needed a break.
The weekend had been days ago, the next weekend sloooowly approaching, creating lifeless bookends in my life. Monotonous days filed into formation and marched onward. My eyes glazed over as I watched my son in the bonus room…again.
At first, I watched my son climb boxes, so steady in his way of pushing up. But when I watched my son climb that box for hour upon hour, the novelty quickly wears off. Housework builds up; laundry needs washing and enthusiasm for planning dinners marches right on out, slamming the door behind her.
Becoming complacent, I looked at everything around me piling up like kindling on a bonfire in the dry season, ready to explode with the slightest flick of a match.
I just wanted to set it ablaze with motion, but I was too deep in my apathy to make a move. I shuddered thinking about the upcoming days. Every day beginning the same, slugging on the same, ending the same. Same, same, same. Going around and round like clothes in a dryer. Nothing on the horizon to work toward, reach toward. I feel the loneliest in these days of plugging along.
As I’ve written before, if I try to find satisfaction in anything but God, anger and resentment begin to brew.
And unexpectedly (or expectedly with no break), the pot is suddenly overflowing with a vile soup that no one wants to be near. Anger that my “works” are not seen day in and day out. Resentment at what others get to do with their time. Unfortunately, I had placed myself in a holding pattern. I was flying high above the runway, waiting for an invitation to break free from the routine and order. Normally I thrive on this order. I am a person of routine, a creature of habit, a homebody by nature.
But here’s the thing, even homebodies need a break.
Everyone needs a break from reality, from normal, from the mundane of what a week can become if you let it. In order to find joy again, I needed a new perspective. To grasp the budding potential of a child, I needed to be away from my current situation for a breath of time to gain fresh eyes. Of course, I love my son and staying home with him. But the truth is, I need to be away from my son in order to appreciate all that he is to me.
4 Ways to Help Your Mental Stability
Set expectations with your partner.
Like me, you may feel silly telling your spouse you need a break. They have been at the office all day and you’ve been…well, at home. And being at home might seem like a rest to others, but it’s not. If you don’t set up expectations and talk about your needs, your spouse may never know you are hurting or angry until you explode (or maybe that’s just me…I’m a stuffer of emotions). Set the expectation of how and in what way you need help. Your day will run smoother when you voice what you need.
Make a schedule for your day and/or week.
I found that when I broke my day into blocks, I was more productive and happier because I knew what to expect and what to do next. I used to be a teacher and being on a schedule is very helpful to me. Knowing what my Monday’s hold helps me stay on track and not get distractedly lost on my phone. I am able to make the most of Baby Boy’s naps when I know what happens on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, etc.
Play in different parts of the house.
It sounds simple, but this was super helpful to me. Playing in different parts of the house and neighborhood helped my mental state. I knew we would play in my son’s bedroom at the beginning of the day, play in the playroom in the middle of the day, and play downstairs at the end of the day. Choose different areas of your house to explore. And take at least one walk a day (if the weather is nice). When we stayed all day in the bonus room, my eyes would glaze over. And I even felt like my son became bored with the same scene. Change it up if you can!
Set up a (grown-up) phone date every couple of days.
Or every day! You need to talk to someone other than your baby all day. Choose different people to connect with throughout the week. That can be grandparents, friends, new mamas you meet, whoever! Just make sure it’s an adult on the other line ;).
Bottom Line
If you are a stay-at-home mom, it is so important to recognize other outlets and tricks to keep your sanity. In staying at home with my son, my house has become my “workplace”. I don’t have the “luxury” of going to the office where I can leave “work” behind. My work is always with me. Most of the time right in front of my face. And for that, I always felt like I had to be “on” and I never felt like I could rest. But knowing that I am not the only one is key to staying sane while being at home alone with my son.
Finding a way to take a break is vital or simple tasks like changing a diaper will break you. Trust me, it happens.
And, it’s ok, Mama, to take a break.
