I sat in my women’s small group, becoming quieter and quieter. We were discussing God as our Heavenly Father. And many of the women in my group had had horrific earthly father experiences. They couldn’t quite fathom God as a father. How could they? In fact, it made them very uncomfortable.
Their discomfort caused me to pause and think about the concept of God as my Father. My Father in Heaven.
When I first learned about God as our Heavenly Father, I didn’t second-guess what this meant.
It’s not that I had a perfect dad growing up. Don’t get me wrong. I have a wonderful dad, who is kind and compassionate. He loves and cares a lot for the people around him as well as people in general.
I only grew quieter because I didn’t know how to pinpoint that knowing God as my Heavenly Father was not necessarily directly correlated to my own dad. Again, my dad is great. But unfortunately, there are no perfect fathers on this planet. There are no perfect humans. Period.
When I learned about God as my father in heaven, I pictured a loving family member or a very close, trusted friend. Knowing God wanted a relationship with me, I related him to people in my life who showed me grace and love when I didn’t show myself these things.
When I imagined God as my Heavenly Father, I envisioned grace walking this earth in the hearts of the people I love dearly.
I remembered the ones with whom I could share my heart. Instead of my heart feeling guilty, condemned, or even more broken, it would be filled with life, learning to walk again, much lighter than before.
These grace-filled people’s hearts broke when mine was breaking; their hearts swelled with joy when mine rejoiced. These people showed me a glimpse of God and who Jesus had come to claim. It was not that any of these people were perfect. Not at all. They were able to show me, in their own ways, pieces of God’s heart. And I didn’t get all of these insights from my dad alone (I love you, Dad!).
When Jesus describes God as a Heavenly Father, he knew about all the abhorrently cruel fathers on the earth. He knew that not everyone has had a great experience with their dad. And yet he told us to pray to “Our Father in heaven.”
Why would he have us reach out to God, our Father, when some of us have never had an earthly father we could reach out toward?
When we read the Bible, we see examples of who a good father is and what he does for us. How he builds us up, gives us good gifts, and doesn’t withhold anything from us. Disciplining yet respectful, and always ready to listen.
In fact, Jesus says,
“If you then, who are evil, {speaking about all people on earth} know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him.”
Matthew 7:11
Jesus knew that all fathers (everyone, in fact) would fall short. And yet he wanted us to know God as our Father.
We can see the most beloved example of who God our Father in The Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15:11-32).
A man has two sons. One son decides he wants to gain his father’s inheritance before his dad has passed. He demands that his dad give him all the riches “rightly” earned. His father gives him all of his assets. He distributes them equally between his two sons.
The son thinks he has won the lottery and runs away. His heart’s desire becomes eating, drinking, and partying. He is happy being completely self-indulgent…until his money is depleted.
Once the money has run out, he is starving, finding and eating pig slop for supper. An inkling of an idea emerges. This son knows his father treats his servants very well. Maybe if he goes back to his father’s house, begging and pleading and showing all kinds of remorse, his dad just might let him live as a servant on the property.
We can smile, knowing the story. Already anticipating how the story will end. But for the son, this was real life. He did not know grace, and he expected to be given what he deserved: nothing.
The son, filled with dread, slowly makes his way back to his father’s house.
The wayward son is barely in sight when his dad notices that his lost son is returning. The dad does not keep a record of wrongs, nor does he withhold his love. He brings out the fattened calf, gets all the items from Party City (are you still paying attention? ;), and RUNS down the road toward his son. He doesn’t want his son to walk the last steps toward his house alone, wondering how his dad will react.
In my very condensed Bible parable retelling, Jesus wants every sinner (all of us) to know that this father is like our Father in heaven. He is not standing in his house with his arms crossed, criticizing us. He is RUNNING toward us with his arms outstretched, throwing us the biggest celebration (we didn’t earn this party), and telling us and everyone he can how he’s missed us and loves us so much.
Even if we’ve had the perfect earthly father, it’s difficult to fathom at our lowest points someone loving us this much. It’s challenging to envision that anyone would love us this much when we can’t even love ourselves sometimes.
And yet, this is the character of God.
So you may think, how can I know God as my Heavenly Father when I don’t even know or trust my earthly father?
When we think about God’s character, we know who a perfect Father is. Here are some traits to point us to this perfection.
Forgiving. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Ephesians 4:32 CSB
Always trustworthy. For the word of the Lord is right, and all his work is trustworthy. Psalms 33:4 CSB
Knows everything about us and still loves us. Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I stand up; you understand my thoughts from far away. Psalms 139 1-2 (read the full Psalm) CSB
Our safe place. The one who lives under the protection of the Most High dwells in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalms 91 CSB (the whole Psalm)
Never ridicules or denounces. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:17 CSB
Quick to listen and slow to become angry. My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger… James 1:19 CSB
A perfect Father.
Jesus did not come to point us to our earthly fathers, saying, “See your earthly father? Now imagine God as just bigger and better than him.”
Nope.
All of these attributes are what Jesus wants us to know are the traits of a perfect father. Of our perfect Heavenly Father. If sin had not entered the world with the first bites of the forbidden fruit, these would be all fathers’ traits. But again, we would not need Jesus if sin was not a major part of our lives.
Depending on our earthly father story, God the Father will be our spiritual leader, leading our hearts in paths of righteousness for his namesake. So whether we have an awesome earthly dad, a not-so-great dad, or a non-existent dad, we can still look to God as our perfectly heavenly Father.
The Lord’s Prayer (as paraphrased by Dallas Willard)
Dear Father always near us,
May your name be treasured and loved,
May your rule be completed in us—
May your will be done here on earth
In just the way it is done in heaven.
Give us today the things we need today,
And forgive us our sins and impositions on you
As we are forgiving all who in any way offend us.
Please don’t put us through trials, but deliver us from everything bad,
Because you are the one in charge,
And you have all the power,
And the glory too is all yours—forever—
Which is just the way we want it!
