Whenever I start to feel comfortable with where I’m at in my current stage of motherhood, the comparison trap hits. We all talk about it; we all hate it, but it happens to all of us nonetheless. I look up less often and look to the left and right more often. Believing I need something outside of God to fill the gaping holes in my heart, I choose easy-to-grab fixers. Satisfaction in what the world sees as important creates an unruly heart in me.
I become agitated and irritable at everything that moves, and I know I have become a kind of comfortable that gets me into trouble. Eager to run and hide, I feel guilty and ashamed. I am anxious about making sure I have done everything and yet complacent to take action.
Being a mother doesn’t make me exempt from being unsatisfied, in fact, it makes me even more prone to comparison. If I look to my left and right and “think” I am doing better than others, I stall like the hare in his race against the tortoise. I become comfortable, and I “fall asleep” to the wisdom that God gives. Then my stalling catches up with me, and, anxiously, I gear up to run the race all over again.
Now, being content in God is one thing and being comfortable is another.
Contentment is where I am solely looking to God for my identity and self-worth. Looking to Him for every step I should take and not moving until He says to move. But I had become comfortable. Meaning I was NOT practicing my spiritual disciplines resulting in lax quiet times and almost non-existent prayer.
And then…
…a spiral of unwanted emotions creates a hurricane in my unglued heart.
When the anxiety strikes, it’s like an electrical ball shocking everything that comes near. And so I became concerned about my son and if I was doing everything right by him. I worried about spending too much time on social media and less time in the present with my son and husband. I pitied myself thinking who really wants to read my thoughts on “motherhood.”
On and on the enemy attacked.
Instead of sprinting to God’s word to point me to what is true and good, I froze, like a deer hearing a twig break. The foundation set by God was torn away. Blow for blow, the devil was literally prosecuting my heart. And unfortunately, prosecuting is what the devil does best.
When shoved into the hole, I believe that every negative statement running unbridled through my head must be true. You should be writing. Don’t sit down and think you get a rest. Multi-mask, mama. A clean house equals a happy family. Make more plans; that will make you more content. Everything that I can see suddenly becomes my lifeline to escaping the blows. More doing, more action, more planning are seen as the only ways to satisfy my busted heart.
I had been looking EVERYWHERE else for what only God could provide: complete satisfaction.
Let me tell you, nothing satisfies me when I get to this point. Sighing deeply, planning day trips to anywhere, and brainstorming date nights, I suddenly turn to anything and everything that I think will make me happy. My husband gets the brunt of this, and God bless him, he tries his hardest to satisfy my aimless whims.
But, only God can be my sole satisfaction.
Isn’t that incredible? No amount of accomplishment, experience, performance, work or words could EVER satisfy me as much as His inconceivable love. Nothing. My son can’t do that for me, my husband, no matter how hard he tries, can never fill that hole. My accomplishments as a teacher, mother, friend, whatever I have been or become, will never satisfy the voids that are created in my heart from this world. When I am at the healthiest version of myself, I know God loves me no matter how many plates I spin.
“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad in our days.”
Psalms 90:14 NIV
Bottom Line
Satisfaction is knowing you were never meant to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Being content with your life is opening the word of God more and looking left and right less. Asking God what He holds for your day, your week, your month is a good choice. You’re right Keith Richards, you definitely can’t get no satisfaction when you’re trying to find it in this world. Rise and shine, friend, to His unfailing love. Looking up at the One who is completely satisfied in you is where you will find the sweetest satisfaction.
Prayer
Most precious Jesus, please forgive me for looking to this world for my satisfaction. A world that keeps satisfaction just out of my grasp. I pray to wake up remembering your unfailing love. Let your love satisfy me throughout the day and day after day. I pray to sing and be joyful in everything. Thank you for always loving me. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.
And here is the hope we are promised.
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11
Next Steps: Here is another prayer for complete satisfaction in God.
