“Mom, it’s too cold to go outside!” yells my 4 year old. I never thought I’d see the day when he actually preferred to be inside. He is usually the first one running, pants-less, shirt-less, and shoes-less, out the door. Go figure. My 3 year old, in these colder months, just wants Blippi monster trucks (insert eye roll emoji!).
This frigid weather tempts me to snuggle under a blanket with them and just turn on the TV. I long to lean into my sloth nature (I am an enneagram 9) and sink deep into the couch cushions.
But the “Should” Monster takes the reigns and urges me into a state of just pushing through the need for rest and reflection. I “should” be doing this and I “should” be doing that. Forcing myself to keep up, I tell myself I should keep moving forward despite my faltering feelings, to keep running the race set before me. Right? I can’t just slow down because I am cold.
I actually need to speed up to keep up with all of the demands being a mom places on me. The “boss babe hustle” culture around me urges me to push aside what my body is trying to tell me: please listen to me.
And then, just like that, if we don’t listen to our bodies, our bodies stop asking. They will forcefully tell us what they need.
The gentle nudges of grace encouraging us to be still turn to hard knocks of life. If we bulldoze the quiet nature of our souls, the compassionate knocks turn desperate. Suddenly anxiety and depression become the nightmares of our mind instead of the tender grace God wants for us.
As we rethink motherhood in a winter season, instead of running further and farther and faster, what if we embraced what our bodies are trying to tell us and actually slowed down and relented our need for control?
I am a creature of habit. I like keeping peace with my surroundings as well as within my soul. So when thoughts or feelings that I don’t particularly enjoy come knocking at my door, I tend to run around and do more. Instead of relinquishing my control over to God, I try to muscle up and do it more in my self-sufficiency.
A friend and someone I admire posted this on instagram and the initial thought continued my thinking. Instead of ignoring the promptings from my body, what if I invited these feelings in and talked with them. Having compassion for myself instead of berating myself for not being the perfect human being I so wanted.
Sounds weird or woo woo (it’s not, I promise).
As soon as I welcomed my anxious thoughts, brought them to the Lord, and we sat with them, they weren’t so scary. Knowing there is a God who knows all things, understands all things, and shies away from nothing, I was able to bring everything to Him. And let me tell you, I held nothing back.
8 Ways to Rethink a Seasonal Depression
Winter doesn’t have to be scary. I myself am writing from a season of postpartum depression (and what I mean is, these are things I have learned in my own season of PPD, even if I am not currently suffering from PPD). Your winter might look differently each winter season. Winter is a lack of something your body holds dear. Instead of running around in fear, your mind and God are trying to tell you something during this time.
Rethink the standards you hold for yourself. A time of winter is different than a Spring or Summer season. Thoughts are different and even the way you move is different. I find myself moving a lot slower in the winter, but chastising myself to move faster. This only serves to beat me up and not to encourage me. Winter time is a time for hibernation, reflection, and redefining what your days look like.
Reimagine your life in this time and space. As we think about the standards we might hold for ourself in different seasons, now look at where you are right in this moment. Do you need more sleep? More time with God? Do you need less exercise and more time reading? You need to reimagine what this time looks like.
Replay good thoughts. I started small, and I began picturing the faces of the people I loved. I imagined their smiling laughing faces, and that’s where I focused. Then I remembered times in the day where I shared a laugh with someone or a place where I felt like “myself” again, even if that feeling lasted only a few minutes. I celebrated the small milestones I was making.
Redirect negative thoughts. When I got on medication for my postpartum depression, I could redirect the hurricane spiral that my mind had become. At first I would sit in the negative thoughts. But then, as my mind got stronger and healthier, I told myself that I didn’t need replay the negative thoughts. I could stop a negative thought in its tracks and say, “I don’t have to think about that right now. I can think about this (insert a good event from the day). I didn’t want to ignore what my body was saying, but I also didn’t have to entertain thoughts that weren’t helpful.
Respect the feelings that you are feeling. As my mind got stronger, I replayed the good parts of each day, and showed compassion for the other feelings I had. I didn’t reprimand or scold myself when I wanted to focus on a part of the day that I did feel down. I told myself it was ok to feel down but not to stay in the depths. There is a difference between fixating on the things you can’t control or fix and acknowledging feelings of doubt, insecurity, or fear.
Respond maturely asking yourself what you need in this moment. When I started therapy, my therapist told me that instead of pushing certain thoughts away, I needed to ask those thoughts what they needed. Imagine pushing away an insistent toddler—they will just become more belligerent! That’s what my thoughts had become, so I needed to respond and listen to what my body was telling me.
Rely on God to give you the peace you need to face anything that comes your way. When God didn’t immediately and miraculously heal my tinnitus or my psychotic depression, I took it upon myself to frantically find healing. It wasn’t until I was blessed with hindsight that I could see God in my depression working every detail for good. If you are ill enough that you can’t see God in your situation, you can tell someone you love and trust that you need help. Let them be your eyes and ears until your mind or situation heals.
Reach out to friends to invite over or talk to on the phone (I know, such a foreign concept ;). But this one is crucial to keep your perspective in check. Even if it doesn’t make sense, even if you don’t believe it at the time, it’s good to lean on individuals who can love you through this. Who can point you in the right direction even when your feet fail. Let them carry you into healing.
When we truly believe that God is a God who cares and wants to carry our burdens, we can really let them go. We don’t have to cling so tightly to our control.
Choosing to have compassion on yourself is not weakness. Compassion deepens our understanding of pain and suffering and then we can become empathetic toward those around us who are also carrying unmanageable burdens.
The winter season doesn’t last forever. Our rhythms of daily life shift with the different seasons. It can be gratifying to seek ways to ease the tension between pushing forward and slowing down.
It’s ok to stop everything and sit for awhile. It’s ok to not get everything done in a day. It’s ok to stare into the face of your little ones and thank God for the blessings they are. It’s ok to shove the “Should” Monster out of your mind. And it’s ok to feel that things are not exactly what you want, but you are doing what you can to be kind to yourself.
And this is the rethinking that redeems the restructuring of this season. Remember that your responsibility is to restore rest to yourself and let God’s responsibility be to revitalize your mind and heart.
