I watched my son bury a carrot deep into his hummus dish. He intricately excavated the covered carrot with his spoon, and proceeded to paint the kitchen counter with the hummus-filled spoon. Eyeing the mess that was becoming larger and larger, I could feel my mind running in two different directions. I was a pendulum swinging between gratitude or attitude.
It was time for an intervention.
First, I believe in the power of play, even playing with food! I know that creativity is found in many forms and painting with hummus must be a form of creative play. But second, I had literally spent 5 minutes deep cleaning the kitchen counter seconds before this hummus explosion. I wavered between annoyance at the mess and feeling bad that my son was basically wasting his lunch.
And third, I needed my son to eat his lunch quickly so I could clean up and get both boys to bed before they both melted down.
My mind performed mental gymnastics between attitude and gratitude.
When I was a middle school teacher, I loved November because I would implement an attitude of gratitude challenge. Yes, it was all good and well to be grateful for what we already have. But I focused on flipping a negative attitude to one of gratitude. Did I mention I taught middle schoolers?
I believe that our circumstances can get the best of us if we don’t prepare our minds with an expectation of gratitude. When I see my son painting on my newly cleaned kitchen counter, my normal inclination is one of attitude. However, I do recognize the choice I have in making this hummus masterpiece a big deal in two ways. Either a choice of attitude because my two year old does’t know how hard I try to keep a clean house. And I could yell at him and tell him all about it. OR I could choose gratitude and tell him his hummus painting actually looked pretty cool…as it sat drying hard on a fresh counter space.
Which would you choose? More importantly, which choice fosters a healthier aftermath for mama and kids?
If we recognize that gratitude is a mindset to be practiced, we can move forward in realistic expectation to have an attitude of gratitude. The practice includes finding ways in your day in which a negative attitude could be switched to one of gratitude. We think back over our day. Find the places where our reaction was less than satisfactory. And determine a better way to move forward.
Richard Curwin has determined that making mistakes is central to learning. If we believe that our mistakes do not define us but merely teach us, then we can move forward in learning from them. I recognize that my negative reaction to something my children do could be “flipped” or transformed into one of gratitude. And I continue learning from my “mistakes” and positively approach different situations with my kiddos. This does not mean discipline or stern talking goes out the window. The mistakes I am talking about are the scenarios when we wish we could change our reaction or our words. The more we recognize where this happens, the more we can make a choice of gratitude.
Try this
Having an attitude of gratitude is a practice. That’s right. Consequently, we have to practice it in order to make it permanent.
At the end of the day, choose two scenarios that didn’t go as planned and search for the thanksgiving in the difficult moment. Maybe the negative attitude you are thinking about came as a surprise to you on this particular day or maybe it’s a negative constant in the day. The point is not the make ourselves feel worse about the way we reacted. (We can all relate to mom guilt to some extent). And if two feels overwhelming, choose one! Through this exercise, we will grow and learn from the scenarios. The point is to help us move from a negative attitude to one of gratitude and thankfulness.
For example, I was feeding oatmeal to my 9-month-old the other morning. The whole family was in a time crunch, and I was scheduled to head to a bible study that morning. All my two-year-old wanted was to be held in my lap. My 9-month-old was not too happy about the lapse between bites. I myself had not eaten a bit of my own oatmeal nor had drunk a drip of coffee. Time was marching on as it always does, and I felt my stress level rise.
But it was in that moment that I remembered this challenge, my own challenge that I am posing to you.
I had the option to sit in my negativity and stress, allowing annoyance at both boys. OR I could welcome my son into my lap, holding him while feeding my other son. And I let my own breakfast worry about itself. I chose the latter. And God graced me with enough time to hold my two-year-old, feed my 9-month-old, AND eat my own breakfast, with minutes to spare.
Instead of focusing on all that was going wrong in this scenario, I chose to focus on the positive. My two-year-old is a big time daddy’s boy. So the fact that he wanted to be in mommy’s lap was a rare occasion. I want to hold him any chance I get when he asks. I chose to cherish my 9-month-old’s oatmeal grins and dance as he welcomed each bite into his mouth. Having both of my little boys within arm’s reach and in the same vicinity feels like a blessing right now. I am thankful for a morning where I am able to stay present and have some time with my boys. Thankfully I was able to flip my mindset around on this day.
Does this happen perfectly every time?
No. Remember we learn from our mistakes. And I have to remember to show myself grace for those moments. Knowing specific areas in the day that can cause a stressful attitude, we can be mindful to watch for signs of stress. And we might have to remind ourselves to search for the gratitude (however deep we have to look). I remind myself that gratitude is something I am mindful to practice. And, in turn, I am so thankful for the chance to hold my boys.
What about you? Where can you change an attitude to one of gratitude? I hope this practice helps “de-stress” your day as we move through the holiday season. And I pray you feel more joy than ever these next couple of months!
