Lord, What is Your Purpose For My Life?

“I will not be another mom blogger. What would I write about?” I shook my head, wrinkled my nose, and laughed at my husband. I was planning on staying home and raising our son. And even though I loved to write, the thought of being another blogger out there in the world was too intimidating. I was going to be a mom and that was going to be my job and purpose.

For me, my purpose was a straight and narrow road–one job to pour everything. Teaching 4th, 5th, and 6th graders about grammar, reading, and writing was my life for 11 years. My focus and heart had been teaching, and that had fulfilled my purpose for those 11 years. Now that our son was on the way, this would take the place of teaching and become my new purpose.

But God was going to show me that his ways do not conform to the boundaries of my mind.

After my son was born, the trauma of birth created a postpartum demon in me (you can read more about my purgatory here).

I had no way to escape the thoughts or feelings that emanated at different times of the day. Paralyzed with worry, I felt worthless about my job of staying at home with our son. Days turned into weeks turned into months, and the postpartum weight of depression brought me down down down. 

I was failing at my purpose and role of being a mom, and each time I failed, I felt staying at home with my son was pointless. Possibly I wasn’t the person cut out to raise him. Every day brought new challenges and new surprises. I loved my son, but I didn’t know if I could be a stay-at-home mom, solely focusing on him.

The only way I knew how to cope with these feelings was to write, journal, and beg God to give me all of his words to sustain me through this difficult time. Words on the page (both journaled and typed) gave my fog-filled heart clarity through this season. I longed to be fully submerged in God’s joy.

Postpartum is a real beast sometimes, but Writing was my therapy; my self-help guideposts for shepherding me out of the darkness.

So I began to think, maybe my purpose was more than just staying at home with my son. Maybe sharing my story for his glory was my purpose as well.

I began an Instagram account where I would try and write detailed accounts, starting with pregnancy, moving on to birth, followed by all of the emotions that came with having a new little life for which to care. I wanted to share my experiences with what I was learning to empower other moms who might be feeling like me.

But I quickly became discouraged because I found I could not fit all of my thoughts and feelings in those tiny little captions. A friend gently prodded that maybe I wasn’t using the right platform for my opinions. I agreed. So I did the thing. You know, the thing I said I’d never do.

I started a blog.

I was scared. No. Terrified. Would anyone even read my blog? I mean, was I qualified to write about a topic that was brand new to me? I was definitely no expert.

From the back of my mind, I heard a soft screaming, “The world doesn’t need another mom blogger! Your purpose is to be a mom, remember?” Oh yeah, that’s right. There were so many “mom bloggers” out there, and I didn’t know if I could compete nor, being an enneagram 9, did I even want to compete. 

But you know what I did?

I began. I listened more to the calling of my heart than the fear in my mind. With my husband sitting by me on our porch, I signed up for a Bluehost account and started putting together my writing and publishing it. Starting with 5 original blog posts (my very first post about Fall here!), my blog was published. With each post I wrote, my soul was ascending from the pit to the peak. My writing therapy was doing the trick.

Maybe my purpose was not just mom, but mom and blogger and wife and friend and entertainer and listener extraordinaire and…anything and everything to bring God glory.

The beauty in my writing these posts is that when I’ve poured my cup completely out, I return to the One who fills my cup and gives me inspiration for my writing. And my writing becomes my accountability partner because I have now made it public.

My weaknesses are displayed so people can see more of him.

As ideas come to mind, there are certain people I think about as I write each post, hoping and praying that the post will speak life into them or give their heart some encouragement. I read more, listen more, and look for God in everything because I chose to take steps to start writing publicly. I decided to pursue more of my purpose than just focusing on the one job I had given myself those first few months–be my son’s mom.

Through this writing, God has never neglected to give me material to write nor the words to focus my thinking. My blogging journey has been a dance of give and take. And when I’ve taken more than my share, God reminds me that this is a duet and we should be dancing together (more about that duet here). I am happy to be the submissive partner.

The world tells us that we can’t possibly think this is our purpose because so many others out there are already doing it and doing it better than us.

The world makes us think it doesn’t need another—you can insert the blank. Blogger, artist, author, etc. Whatever you choose to fill in the blank, God will emphatically tell you that yes! Yes, the world needs another {insert your name} blogger. {Insert your name} artist.

Just because the world says we’re not good enough, qualified enough, talented enough for {insert the blank}, God peaks his head around the corner and says, Child, MY works are wonderful, and YOU are my work of art.

The key to all this? 

You. 

Your purpose is God-given, and God wants you to share the gifts he has given to you with the world. Maybe hundreds, thousands, millions need to hear or see or experience what you have to offer. Perhaps these gifts are just for your inner-circle. We can’t be disappointed if our stage is bigger or smaller than we’d imagined it would be. (That’s a whole other topic I could write a blog post about).

The point is that we continue pursuing our purpose within the confines of God and not the confines of the world. And God is endless in his abilities.

Let’s start thinking about our purpose as more than just a job title. More than just ONE thing we are meant to do.

If we hold tightly to that ONE job title, we lose perspective on everything else God wants to do in and through us. This title is just one facet of the multitude of gifts that God has given us. Our purpose takes ALL of our abilities and places them piecemeal into many “jobs” that lift our hearts.

God has given each one of us attributes that make us unique. There is no other combination of me out there, no other combination of you. Featuring beautiful and unparalleled combinations of shapes and colors, we are kaleidoscopes–twirling and dancing and spinning in every brilliant way. Different writers bring different perspectives to the same situation (read about the importance of hearing something over and over again here). Whatever you are pursuing, this same idea is applied.

Maybe God brings you through the depths of the ocean to find some of your Purpose. Perhaps God brings you to a dead-end to show you where he wants to take you next. Or it could be that he is quite happy with what you are doing now because it shares the gifts he has given you with the world quite nicely.

However you slice it, God needs you because there is no other you. So, what are you waiting for? Ask God for more of him, more of his purpose for your life, and watch and listen carefully for how he answers.

“But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

Exodus 9:16

Freefall to Fly by Rebekah Lyons speaks about our heart’s greatest pain colliding with the world’s need. This can be a starting point to finding some of your purpose.

Take care, friend. Thank you so much for reading 🙂