High up on the mountain, I look out into the big, vast expanse. It’s a long way down from here. Fear startles me out of my peaceful thanksgiving. My eyes open wide as I wonder how I even got this high.
I’m afraid of being this high, remember? I can’t be up here by myself. I frantically look around me, and Fear whispers in my ear, “God isn’t up here with you, Mama. Maybe God isn’t really good. Do you see where He left you? It’s a loooong way back down. If He really knew you, He wouldn’t have made you climb this high or have given you this much. He doesn’t truly love you like His word says He does.”
And in those few words, all the work that God has done—to show me He is good, that He is trustworthy, that He is FIGHTING for me—is swept away like a beautiful sandcastle washing out to sea, dissolving into minuscule granules of sand. The devil, in quiet anticipation, knows exactly where my fears lie and he coaxes these fears to lurch out when called.
Does fear have you constantly looking over your shoulder?
Wondering not only IF but WHEN is something terrible going to strike? Taking your precious joy and uprooting like it was a troublesome weed?
When I have so much good in my life, I start to question when it will all be taken away. My heart is pierced and fear oozes like a disease when I hear horror stories that others currently face. And horror stories that hit too close to home are the tragedies of families losing their little ones.
Fearing he might not wake up from his nap, I hold my son a little longer before putting him into his crib. I pray over him, kissing his sweet head and feeling his soft, plump cheek next to mine. And then I reluctantly lay him down and step out of the room.
I am heartbroken for families I don’t even know personally who have lost loved ones. I don’t know how to change it or fix it. Fitfully I pray to God, begging Him to change it. But it’s not enough. Not for these families going through it.
I see the blatant heartbreak that others go through and think, “I am not strong enough to endure that. Surely God doesn’t have that planned for me.”
But our world is sinful and broken. Full of lies, grief, and heartache. This wasn’t what God intended, but Eden was smashed when Eve was tricked into wanting more than God had given her.
When I stand by myself, looking out into the world, I am suddenly gripped with a fear so real it shoves me under the water, and I can’t find my breath. Other’s horrific pain sabotages my trust in God, and I begin to doubt if God is truly as good as He says.
When imagining the scariest thing…of what do you think?
Right now, a terrible virus infects our world. Some of us are literally running scared and others, our minds are running overtime as we imagine every possible scenario. But a world without love is scarier than this virus. Sound simple? It’s not. A world without love has no hope, has no rejoicing, has nobody to lean on because no one has shown us how to love. When I imagine taking on a world without God, the King of love, Fear starts to take hold.
The fears start small as you begin climbing the mountain. They are small worries. Nothing more than little questions you silently ask yourself. You think about meeting someone special and falling in love, or about having children and exactly how many do you want to have? Or you wonder what life might look like in 40 years…but that’s so far away. I’m just daydreaming, you tell yourself, thinking about things.
As you continue steadily up the mountain, the “little” worries that remain unchecked at the beginning of the ascent slowly, without your knowledge, begin to snowball. I’ve been given a wonderful husband and I can’t possibly imagine life without him. What if I go to wake up my child and he doesn’t wake? What if a call comes bearing the news that a loved one has gotten sick and is in the hospital? Before you know it, your mind is your own prison as you envision scenario after scenario, breaking you down to tears. Fear, undercover, creating chaos so tragic you forget whose you are. The more you are given the bigger the fears become.
The more invested I am in this world, the more I fear to lose what is “mine.”
But…Oh Jesus, when I remember You and Your word…
“Perfect love casts out all fear.” (1 John 4:18) Fear, as the author writes, has to do with punishment. Fear is thinking that all the bad things happen because God is punishing me. But that is not the case at all. God wants us to celebrate with Him because He has already overcome the world.
His perfect love is perfected in me by casting out all the fear that grips and binds and tears at my soul. “Cast out” or “drive out” are verbs. He’s not wishing away my fears. He’s not patting my back telling me it’s going to be ok. No, He has a sword and a shield and He is literally blasting his way through the walls that fear has built. He is fighting for me, for my family, and for everyone I love and pray for (Exodus 14:14).
And isn’t that just it? When I am reaching out, looking at the world for my affirmations, my fears run rampant, thinking I will be punished. But when I look at Jesus, the author and perfector of my life, I am made completely whole.
Breathe in God’s promises and breathe out Fear’s lies. Nothing is mine. Everything under the sun is God’s. And that’s a good thing because of everything in His perfect hands and under His perfect control. What seems chaotic to me is merely God working as He always does. He never stops working.
Bottom Line
Fear is thinking you have to climb the mountain, descend into the valley, face the world…alone. Fear is believing that God really doesn’t have a plan for you, that He really doesn’t love you as much as He says He does, that He is not with you always.
But…
Perfect love casts out all fears. Jesus, our perfect love, drives out every fear. He is not weak as I imagine Him plowing through my fears like bowling pins, knowing how to disarm every fear that tries to invade my mind and heart. Jesus has taken the punishment that my soul deserved.
Even when the mountain becomes too high, the valley too deep, and the world’s most horrific stories too sad, you can place every fear in His perfect love.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”
1 John 4:18
And for this, my soul can find peace.
Next Steps: I love this song’s truth-filled lyrics as it reminds me that God is constantly fighting for me, coming after me, and celebrating over me. There is NOTHING that God can’t or won’t do when it comes to you and me. May you sing this with a rejoicing heart in the midst of crisis.
