I sat down for a quiet time expecting God to show up big. I selfishly loved the positive response I was getting on social media, and I wanted to continue sharing all that God was teaching me. As I eagerly put my pen to paper, ready to journal all that God was going to tell me, the words didn’t seem to articulate. My pen stalled right there on the page like a car that had been warning for gas but the driver pushed it until the car was officially out of gas.
After several frustratingly mangled and forced sentences, I finally felt God’s nudge.
I was trying to create this intricate dance, full of motions and routines. My dances were being applauded by the audience, but ultimately I had been dancing solo.
I was dancing without God.
That’s what I had been doing. I was writing about God, using His words, but not actually meeting with Him and talking with Him. It made me sad, and I felt completely lost without His direction. You see, I write His words, what He tells me to write, not my own. But pride had considered His words my words, and I fell into my own self-absorption. And when I hit the nail smack dab on the head, the tears began to flow because these self-realizations hurt. They are painful at best, and I am only human: sinful in nature and prone to fear, failure, and forgetting who God really is.
I was showing up to the duet by myself…again.
I kept feeling like I needed to be the solo performer. My eyes became jealous of what I perceived that others had accomplished. I heard the music, but I started the dance solo by dismissing what God is doing through me as “little” and “insignificant.” And I started feeling bad about myself. My soul tried to become the martyr: only preferring God’s pity instead of recognizing the true martyr, Jesus, who already died for these sins.
Ugh. Why do I do this? Why is it that on the mountain I feel so confident and forget God and what He has done for me? My own pride weasels her way right into the middle, cutting off my duet with God, leaving me by myself to dance. My arms still in the position, going through the motions and steps…
But without God.
Lord, you are my safe haven.
You are my strong tower. You are my saving grace. My everything. You give me all that I have and are able to take away all that has been given.
The dance of life is with God. And really it is me standing on His feet while he moves me around the dance floor in this beautiful dance.
I always test how long I can dance without God to see just how true His word is. Do you try that? To see if He really loves me like He says He does. To see if He will really welcome me back with open arms like the prodigal daughter. I squash the hope my heart feels, I forget to pray or just flat-out don’t form the words, and I dismiss my quiet time knowing it will be there when I return from my galavanting.
And then I come back, to our dance, and I beg God to give me the next steps and to ask for His forgiveness.
And the beautiful gift is that He ALWAYS does.
God doesn’t ask that I dance alone, He merely wants me to follow His lead. I play the same song and dance each year, but God has never left me. Even when I make him sit in the audience, push Him behind the curtain, or force Him to be the backstage director, He always shows up. When I finally bow my head and surrender to Him to take the spotlight for me, He is always there. And what started as my sad solo dance becomes a powerful duet, dancing with the One who leads me gracefully step-by-step until we are in perfect sync again.
Prayer
Lord, You are my direction, my footsteps, my way. Dancing with you is life-giving. Please forgive me when I try to steal the spotlight and dance alone. The truth is, I only want to dance with you because I am wholly satisfied and fulfilled in your love. Thank you for loving me so perfectly and being my perfect dance partner. I pray for your guidance and wisdom in every step I take. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Next Steps: Sometimes when we realize we are dancing solo, we feel that God is ashamed with us. I don’t know about you, but it makes me want to run and hide. This hurtful thinking can make us feel distant from God. Check out this blog post to help you redefine your thinking and get back to dancing with the One who loves you!
