Tired. Overlooked. Staring aimlessly as the days drag on or fly by. Is anybody listening? Is anybody watching you, beloved mama?
Sometimes internally screaming. Sometimes saddened and disheartened. Oftentimes feeling abandoned and lonely. Confined to a playroom watching the kids in their freedom laugh joyfully. Shameful thoughts wandering in the darkness, blindly searching for the light.
Tears flowing. Heart heaving. The bad days glaring in my face, masking the good days in a tainted shame that I wish I could just rewind and rewrite.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I the only one, alone in my deep thinking that maybe I’m not the right person for the job or there’s a better-suited person than I?
Dear Lord, I need you…
But…beloved Mama…
God calls to me in the deepest parts of my soul, speaking a truth that I dare not fathom. Because in the flip of a switch, these words heal so fast they hurt.
You are mine and I am yours. You call out to me and I am there, answering your cries. Deep calls to deep. Find your rest and peace at my feet. I invite you, just as you are, to sit at my table full of good food that won’t leave you hungry or ashamed.
My beloved Mama.
Turn your precious face away from the fears that grip your heart and look instead to me. I am strong enough to carry you and all of the burdens that tear your heart to pieces. When you fall down, I will pick you up and lift you high.
My beloved Mama.
Listen to my thoughts of you. I will shield you from the fearful thoughts that try to penetrate your mind; I will drive out the incompetence you feel and fill you to the fullest with my confidence. Please, my beloved, come confidently to my alter. There you can lay all your anger, fear, questions, and requests.
My beloved Mama.
I chose you specifically for this job. Before you were even in your mother’s womb, I designed you. I know all of your gifts and have perfectly placed you in a position where those gifts will reflect my glory.
My beloved Mama.
Before you became a mama, you were always my child. You are seen, heard, and I am right here with you, in the playroom, smiling on you because I am so proud of you.
So please, my child, raise your head high because you are my daughter, the daughter of the king of kings. Have confidence and rest in my larger-than-life love for you. I love you more than you could even imagine, my beloved.
Prayer
Thank you, my sweet Heavenly Father. You are so precious to me. Your thoughts are like water poured out in a desert. Please forgive my angst. I have not seen you the way you see me. I have forgotten you and therefore thought you have forgotten me. Please continue to speak kindness and gentleness over me as I sometimes do not use the kindest words on myself. Thank you for loving me with a full heart, knowing all of my faults and where I feel I fail the most. I love you so much, Jesus. Amen.
